Dear Virgin…

This was an email Sydney Morning Herald blogger and columnist Katherine Feeney received from her blog “City Kat“:

Hey Kat,

Long time reader and sometimes commenter of your blog. I have a topic I would love you to talk about as I need some advice from your readers.

Basically, male prostitutes, or escorts for women.

Let me tell you a bit about my situation. I’m a 21-year-old female who has never had a relationship, thus, I’m a virgin.

Whilst I have put away the thought of meeting someone sometime soon, I still crave intimacy.

I would love to experience what most people have by my age, and it’s safe to say I have been thinking about sex EVERY single day for the past maybe six years. I watch porn often and want to try out so many things…

Thing is though I do not like the thought of casual sex or one night stands. I don’t think I’m unattractive, but I never seem to be able to pick up or meet new guys, and only really have a small group of friends. 

So that’s where I have been doing a bit of research for male prostitutes. And from what I have read it sounds enticing.

These men are paid to make a girl feel special and ensure she gets the best out of the encounter. A lot also specialise in a girl’s first time.

So what better way for me to experience what I have missed out on?

I know I probably won’t go through with it – I’m a bit shy – and it is totally out of character for me.

However I can’t seem to get the idea out of my head and I know I don’t want to be a 25-year-old virgin.

What should I do guys?


Confused Virgin.

The SMH blog then went on to ask readers the question “is it okay to commoditise sex?” and how the readers would respond to this letter.

So it got me wondering: how would God respond to a letter like this? Maybe a little like…

Dear child,

I love you and I am saddened to read about your confusion.

In your letter, you wrote about wanting to experience sex. But you were honest enough to admit that you want sex because you want something deeper than sex. You want intimacy and you fear you’ll never find it before it’s too late.

I see your longing; I acknowledge your pain; I sense your fear.

And so I want you to know first of all, that I love you more than you can imagine. I created you. I watched over the formation of every cell in your body. Not one hair on your head has fallen out of my watchful eye. I love you.

And that’s why I also want you to know that your longings for intimacy and security and love can’t ever be met by anyone else. Though you might one day find a man, a lover, or a husband, even the best man can’t fulfil that longing you feel in the core of your being.

The reason is because that longing was created for relationship with me, your Creator. I gave you a God-shaped hole, and only I can fill it. Sin has kept you away from me; I sent my Son into the world to die for sin and rise again so that you can come back to me. Only that can fulfil your longing. Only I can give you the satisfaction that you seek.

So yes, you’re missing out on something and you’re missing out on someone, but it’s not what and whom you think.

I want you to know that I created sex, and I created it to be immensely pleasurable. But I created it to be only fulfilling and only satisfying within committed and covenanted marriage relationships. Sex is far too great a gift to be squandered in any other way. You’re far too precious to be giving yourself away to a male prostitute, or even to a lover. Sex in those situations won’t give you the joy and intimacy you seek. Rather, it’ll rob you of future joys and intimacy with someone whom you one day may marry.

Finally, I want you to know that you’re not defined by your sexual experiences or lack-thereof. You’re not defined by being a virgin, or not being a virgin. You’re not defined by being popular, outgoing and as someone who has a boyfriend, or alternatively, less popular, shy and single. I am offering you an identity that’s more permanent, more wonderful, more satisfying than anything this world can offer. You can have my Son Jesus give you his wonderful identity in the place of yours. You can be royalty – a daughter of the King of kings. You can have the unfading beauty and identity as an heiress of eternal life.

So will you?

Your loving Creator,



About Pete

I am a child of God, a husband, a father of four children, a pastor, and a church planter. I live in Sydney Australia and live to see Jesus made famous in this city and be the only God people worship.

Posted on October 12, 2011, in Relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Wow pete… what a beautiful reply! I pray she somehow reads it.

  2. It was great to read this. I’d say more, but it would take too long so I’ll revert back to my first sentence.

  3. This is possibly the best letter I have ever read. I imagine Jesus would say something exactly like that to me. You have such a gift in explaining biblical values in this modern time, and I hope other young females my age (or hopefully catch them when they are younger) – get to read this.

  1. Pingback: “And You’re Just A Jealous Virgin!” « Discovery

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